So we live in Kansas now. It's hard to try and consolidate all the new feelings, new experiences and different emotions I've gone through since we've been here. It has been a roller coaster. In just a couple of weeks we will have been here for 4 months! I can't believe its been that long. But the memories of our life in Utah do seem distant. I miss our old life everyday. We had the perfect life and all I did was complain and mope about Robbie not having a job yet. I feel so guilty about that now. If I could've foreseen what was in my future I think I would have probably said "no thank you, I'll stay here in Utah".
But moving to Lawrence, Kansas really has been such a wonderful experience so far. I never would've thought I would love it this much. Robbie and I have become closer, our relationship has never been better. We've made friends that we will be friends with forever. I've grown in ways I didn't want to grow, but I'm glad I have. I've relied on my Heavenly Father more than I ever have in my life. I am happy here. I have a lot of really good, great, awesome days. I also have a few bad days where I all I want is to go back and be around what is familiar. But all in all I'm grateful for a pretty smooth transition to a completely new life.
I've struggled a lot to figure out my purpose here. What should I do with my new life? I just quit a job yesterday that I thought was perfect for me. That was rough. I could do hair, but I'm just not sure that's what I want. I've started doing eyelash extensions and that has been really awesome, so maybe I'll just pursue that 100%? But I'm just not sure that is what I want. Or should I get different job? I think the main thing I've noticed about myself since being in Kansas is my lack of motivation. Which is really not like me. I try to not be too hard on myself. I'm still adjusting. But I think my "adjusting" has just turned into laziness. It's time to just kick myself into gear and get busy with whatever I can. ugh.
So the reason I decided to blog was because yesterday was a really hard day. I felt so down and bad for myself. I was reading this girl's blog and it kind of inspired me to start blogging again. I'm really not a great blogger, and I'm really not a good writer. So I feel really self-conscious about my writing which makes me not want to blog. But I would like to keep writing about my life and experiences here in Kansas, mostly for myself, but for my family and friends too-- so they can keep up with what's new with us and a peek of what our life is like here. I can tell today feels nothing like yesterday,(answer to my prayers) I'm back to my regular self. I'm currently at McDonald's in Topeka using their wifi sitting next to two old couples who are drinking coffee and talking about their Catholic views on marriage and football. It's great. I'm in Topeka (about 25 minutes away from Lawrence) because the sisters in our ward needed a ride to the stake center. But instead of going home and then coming back to pick them up in a few hours I decided to just make it a party and go to McDonald's and blog. I think I'll go get a pedicure too.
Thanks for reading. I hope to keep up blogging a little bit. But no promises!